My Reelity

A week after my coming of age day, I’ve received news that I didn’t get that cushy corporate job I applied for months earlier. There’s a part of me that’s really relieved by this; it kinda means I still get to pursue my still so elusive dream. It also meant that He hasn’t quit on being my casting agent yet, and that has to account for something I guess.

But still, as I’m now old enough; and old enough to sit down and take stock of a five-year-going-on-to-seven-year-plan. And by all accounts, it really isn’t going according to plan. Sure, I’ve made some achievements, but compare to the grand scheme of things, I would consider them pretty minor ones. And looking ahead, I’m really clueless as to how to proceed on.

This cluelessness partly contributed to the state of funk that I was in for the better part of the year so far. And it took a healthy dose of loving from my first love (acting on stage again) to snap me out of it. And so while I’m not sure where or how to proceed further, I know I cannot give this up just yet. And so I guess I’ll just do what I’ve been doing all along; press on as well as I could.

Zeus once told me that he thought I was strong. I don’t think I am; I think I’m really just too stubborn to know how or when to quit. And fortunately, Luck, being the fine lady she is, lets me ride on her. Sometimes, she brings me to hard places. Sometimes, she kicks me off her and leave me lying on the dirt. And then there are those rare times, where our ride just seem to bring us higher and higher.

I guess, somewhere deep inside me, I’m wired to never take on the easy path. I used to think there’s some kind of malfunction or short circuit somewhere, but now I’m beginning to think this really is how I’m wired up. Either that or somewhere along the way, as a result of taking on too many challenges, I got hardwired to this funk that I’m in now.

So yeah, all in all, because of the choices I’ve made, I think I had a semi charmed life. I know I can be worse off, and boy, do I know I can be better off. But you know what, I really, really want something else, to get me through this life.