My Reelity

These few months, I’ve been wondering why you didn’t accept my apology.

And when I found out the reason, I cannot help but feel indignant.

To think that all this while, you are still angry with me because you misunderstood my intentions. And to think that you misunderstood my intentions in the first place because you didn’t give me a chance to explain things clearly.

You say you are angry because since we know each other for so long, I should have known you better. Which is precisely why I wanted to clear the air with you, cuz I was having all these doubts about you after what I thought had happened, and felt that there should be an explanation behind all this. I’m not too proud of the approach I adopted and truth be told, I had always thought that was what you were angry with me over. But now I find out that its not.

But you did not give me a chance to explain properly did you, when you cut me off so aruptly? And yet I wonder how could you have misconstrue my intent, even though it was written down clearly that I really can’t stand to think poorly of you.

I guess maybe you didn’t read that part, or maybe you choose not to read it?

On top of feeling indignant, I’m also angry too. Angry that you should have known me better as well, since we have know each other for so long. Would I have bothered to make amends if I really wanted to remain thinking poorly of you? And if I really wanted to think poorly of you, then why would I have even bothered to clear things up with you in the first place? Sheesh.

I find it frustrating that we should end up this way. It makes a mockery of the times we’ve spent and the moments we’ve shared. But I guess there’s nothing much I can do about it now which just adds to the frustration.

Sigh.

If this is how its gonna end, then I wouldn’t want to remember you this way.

Instead, I’d rather remember how you bothered to watch all of my clips. I’d rather remember how pleasently surprised and touched I was, even though you might have done it just to relief boredom.

I’d rather remember how upset you were with your father when he failed to tape the docudrama episode I was on so that you can watch later. I’d rather remember how touched I was by you when I found out about it.

I’d rather remember the first time we danced, and it was to Ciara. I’d rather remember how much more I wanted the rest of the crappy music that followed to be more like Ciara’s so that we could dance the night away.

I’d rather remember how I gave up a good role to catch a Harry Potter movie with you. I’d rather remember how I never regretted it, though I did wonder what in the world possessed me to do it at that moment.

I’d rather remember how you would ask me for the timing of my auditions. I’d rather remember musing to myself whether its because you wanted to pray for me.

I’d rather remember how you said you would give me a treat if my short film won an award. I’d rather remember how touched I was that you wanted to celebrate its win with me when it won eventually.

I’d rather remember how you helped me out with a song we were singing together in a karaoke, so that I wouldn’t appear bad.

I’d rather remember how you stood up for me when your “friend” was saying bad things about me. I’d rather remember how moved I was by your actions.

I’d rather remember how you stayed with me and was my comfort when my short film failed to win anything in a bigger contest. I’d rather remember how touched and grateful I was to you for just being there in my darkest moment.

Yes, I’d rather remember you well.