Decided to write these entries here from now on. Previous entries can still be accessed via the “The Believer” tab above.
Time once again for my half yearly progress report. Yes, you’ve read it correctly. It is supposed to be half yearly and the reason why it dragged on to a year was because during the half year mark, there wasn’t much progress and I was rather ashamed (and depressed) to call it a progress report. Heh. Anyway, I’ve always feel its better to be late than never, so here’s the report, about 6 months late.
(Though some people will tell me, there are cases where it is too late. Yes, I agree, but even when its too late, its still better than never. Okay, enough, digression :P)
A quick recap :
My commercial didn’t screen, maybe because You answered my prayer and decided that I’m not ready for that big break yet. Actually, I think You decided on more things than that. Heck, for the next 6 months or so after that, I was “jobless”. And needless to say, I was very depressed and seriously thought You didn’t want the job anymore and/or You really wanted me out of the industry already.
I guess I did seek after You for answers, and the more I seek, the more problems seem to have cropped up. For one thing, family issues that were supposed to have been settled resurfaced again and it doth seem that at the time when I needed Ye most, You decided to turn invisible again.
Can’t say I blamed You really, I guess at that time I kinda backslided quite a bit already. Sorry man. Not that I want to make excuses, but seriously, the churches I was visiting at the time really did not help overcome my disappointment in them and in time, coupled with the shit I was going through, I guess I just found it very hard to maintain quiet time with Ya.
So yeah, I guess I neglected You first huh? And maybe Your apparent disappearing act was some kind of punishment? 😛
During this period, however, in spite of Your invisibility, I was rather grateful that You put friends in my life to help tide things over. And I’m not sure if You planned it or what, but You also did manage to let certain feelings that I have long laid down and buried for a long time (just to get over Bathsheba) resuface… but more on that later.
In 2006, it seems, You start to give me cause for hope again. Although I was majorly disappointed with “4444” not clinching anything in the Grand Canon DV Fest Finals, I was really delighted that it aced in the 3rd SSFF. And then the roles started coming in again, and even though most of it was not really what I was gunning for, at least it showed, in more ways than one that You were not planning to quit as my agent yet. I think for that I’m glad and grateful; cuz if I did make it one fine day, I’d really want You to take ALL the credit.
So now in the middle of 2006, the report card shows : 1 first ever movie role and 2 television roles. Not much to shout about, but hey I’ve got another half year to go. And things are looking up at the moment. So there you go, a little optimism to end this report. 😛
So what about those feelings that resurfaced? Well, when it did resurfaced, I couldn’t really recognise them since it had been such a long time. And yeah, in a way I was confused and at a loss as well. And I guess I took too long to discern those feelings as well. But then again, five years is also a very long time…
Anyway, I guess now I know (for sure) I can love again. And I’ll always be grateful for you.
Check back with ya again Lord. Don’t be a stranger k?
