My Reelity

If I haven’t said it before, let me say it now. This path I’ve set down for myself is sure not an easy trip. And the toughest part, is always, trying to improve myself as an actor.

Firstly, there is always a lack of projects. The market is small and even if I don’t do anything else but acting, I’ll be hard press to find enough projects to be gainfully employed. But this is hardly surprising, and is, in fact, something you should be prepared for if you are going into this line.

With the lack of projects, means there is a real lack of practice. If acting is an art form, it must be the hardest art form to excel it at, simply because there is only so much one can do on one’s own. In contrast, with other art forms like singing and dancing, one would be able to practice on one’s own, and see an improvement. But from my experience, my acting only improves when I practice with others, and not on my own. Sure, there are things that I can do to sharpen my tool, but I always find that all I’m doing is just trying to maintain my edge, rather than kicking it into the next level. And sometimes, I feel I’m just barely maintaining the edge, if not already slipping.

And what complicates things for me is that the other stuff that I do besides acting, the one that puts the food on the table, the one that makes me able to buy the girl across the bar a drink, is so totally different and detached from acting. And the more I do it, the more I feel alienated from acting, and the more I feel like I’m slipping up.

This year so far, I’ve taken on a lot of such projects. The reason is because I really need the dough for a private matter (all I can say is that it is for the sake of my acting). But in doing so, I really feel my acting has become lousier. I guess you can call it lack of practice, but somehow, I feel it’s a bit more than that. I can’t really put my finger on it; right now I think its really because I’ve become too jaded as a result of doing too many of such projects.

Afterall, I do remember these projects have a way of sapping every ounce of creativity out of you. >.< The good news is that its beginning to die down, and I foresee myself taking a good break from November onwards. And of course, my bank balance has never looked healthier. 😀 I'm also glad for the couple of roles that have come my way recently. Although they are small roles and are not really challenging, they make me realise how bad I've gotten. But better to falter at these roles than the upcoming movie role I'm getting into. I'm confident that I can get better with more "practice". I just pray that I've enough roles in the next few weeks to help me regain my form in time for the big shoot. *gulp*